Monday, June 21, 2004

answers to rhetorical questions

q: who's afraid of virginia woolf?
a: i am

q: ooh lawdy lawdy who likes to party?
a: my friend fred likes to party. one time, he got so drunk, he tried to make sweet love to a spatula.

q: shall i compare the to a summer's day?
a: no.

q: where's the beef?
a: the newest beef is between goerge bush and kofi anan; the previous beef between biggie smalls and tupac shakur has been resolved.

q: can i supersize that for you?
a: no, supersizing is no longer an option at your place of repast. you should make yourself aware of your company's most recent policies, and adjust your closing questions accordingly.

8 Comments:

Blogger Nick O'Rette said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 22, 2004 at 2:30 AM  
Blogger Nick O'Rette said...

q: Isn't the new Wilco CD to die for?
a: It's decent, but I think you can hear Jeff Tweedy's recent personal problems in more than just the lyrics, if you know what I mean.

q: So... Yankee Hotel Foxtrot?
a: Yes.

q: Do you wanna dance under the moonlight ?
Love me girl all through the night
Baby, do you wanna dance ?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance ?
Do you do you do you do you wanna dance ?
Do you do you - do you wanna dance ?
a: I wanna dance, but not with you.

q: You and what army?
a: This is a coup, so that'd be me and your army, el presidente.

q: How many roads must a...
a: Let me stop you right there.

June 22, 2004 at 2:51 AM  
Blogger Parsley said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 28, 2004 at 8:58 PM  
Blogger Parsley said...

If you're ever in Hollywood, and someone nails a rhetorical question on you, just turn that little nail around!

Q: Have you seen [insert film/TV]?

A: (1) Was it any good?
(2) Isn't it amazing?


Q: What did you think of that demo reel?

A: What did you think?


Q: Are you going back east for Christmas?

A: How did you know I lived back east?

Q: You don't think I know you well enough?

A: Why do you ask?


Q: Who boxed my car in?

A: Which car?

June 28, 2004 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger Parsley said...

It occurs to me that the questions I posed were not strictly speaking rhetorical. Second try:

Q: How much of an asshole is Harvey Weinstein?

A: Isn't he paying your salary?


Q: Who cares if Nader runs?

A: Did I say I cared?

June 28, 2004 at 9:12 PM  
Blogger naptime said...

q: isn't that letting the terrorists win?
a: actually, your not ordering chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has very little bearing on whether the terrorists have, in the strictest sense, 'won.'

June 28, 2004 at 10:15 PM  
Blogger Parsley said...

Q: What Price Glory?

A: Actually, glory is costly but not unattainable. Donald Trump's net worth, estimated at 2.5 billion dollars, has also given netted him a 20-million dollar-per-season reality TV contract - glorious by prime-time standards. See below...

Q: Who wants the funk?

A: I do. I must have it. However, Bill Gates has already bought the funk, provine the finitude of Question 1.

Q: Who put the bop in the bop shi-bop-shi-bop?

A: That would be me.

Q: Who put the ram in the ram-a-lam-a-ding dong?

A: An enviable feat, but I cannot take credit.

July 1, 2004 at 9:39 PM  
Blogger naptime said...

q: You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
When I met you
I picked you out, I shook you up, and turned you around
Turned you into someone new
Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet
Success has been so easy for you
But don't forget it's me who put you where you are now
And I can put you back down too
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I can't believe it when I hear that you won't see me
Don't, don't you want me?
You know I don't believe you when you say that you don't need me
It's much too late to find
You think you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back or we will both be sorry
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
That much is true
But even then I knew I'd find a much better place
Either with or without you
The five years we have had have been such good times
I still love you
But now I think it's time I lived my life on my own
I guess it's just what I must do
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh
Don't you want me baby? Don't you want me - oh

a: no.

July 4, 2004 at 10:15 PM  

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